Letter from Mama to Warren

July 29, 2012

Warren,

As we get closer and closer to your little brother joining our family, I can’t help but think back on everything you have brought into your Daddy’s and my life.  I remember the last few weeks before you were born looking forward to holding you, nursing you the first time, and finally being a “mama”—little did I know, there was so much more to being your mama than just those things.  A lot of people told me that I would instantly feel love for you when they placed you in my arms, and I did love you then, but it just continued to grow and grow—even though I can’t imagine loving you anymore than I do today (I am just not sure it is possible), I do think it will continue to grow as you do.

The first time I called the pediatrician’s office to make an appointment for you, I was sort of shocked when they asked me for my child’s name—I actually had a child, it really made it feel real that I was responsible for you.  Then when you had to get your first shots, I knew you needed them to keep you healthy, but I also hated to see the pain in your face as you cried afterwards.  (Don’t worry, I cuddled you the rest of the day…and you were a trooper even at 2 months old, you took a nice long nap and seemed to get over it.)

Even from the very beginning, you have been a very active little boy; you wake up early, get directly involved in some physical activity (like trains, puzzles, and/or chasing the dogs up and down the hallways), and you keep going until I have to force you to nap.  But even before you could walk and get around on your own, you still woke up early (like 4 or 5am) ready to play and interact.  (This was not always so pleasant for your parents, but you sure seemed to love the early morning hours—the nice part was the nap we would take together around 9 or 10am, too bad you have outgrown that morning nap.)

I am looking forward to seeing you grow as a boy and as a big brother—having a little brother will change a lot of things in your life, but you are so social and outgoing in nature, I think you are going to blossom.  One of my favorite roles in life is that of being a big sister, so I hope you love your role of big brother as much as I have.

I can’t wait to finish watching you grow into a man, and I anticipate so much for you—I hope you never lose your energy (okay, you might be able to stand to lose a smidgen of your current energy if you aren’t going to be exhausted by age 10).  You are such a smart boy—at age 2 you have such a command of your words (mostly English words, but you do have a few signs that you know, and you even know a few words in Spanish, thanks to Diego-The Animal Rescuer).  Your hand-eye coordination amazes me, just earlier this week I sat watching you hammer nails on your tool bench with a lot more accuracy than I can do at 27!

I love you so much my sweet boy, and I found this poem the other day (I don’t know who wrote it, but it says so beautifully everything I feel about being a mother).

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body...
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.

A day of airports and more!

I had been preparing myself for the worst day of travel in my life---between lugging my "active" (people say that like it is a compliment, but I personally think it is a little bit of a curse) 18 month old around 4 airports, expecting the same 18 month old to then sit quietly through a total of about 10 hours of flying, and having John and myself being worn out from weeks of working extra to get prepared to be gone for 2 weeks, I truly believed this was a recipe for disaster. However, I am proud to say that Warren did great! (See having low expectations really worked out good for me in this case.)
I had been doing my research, and boy did it pay off. I had fun, new toys that Warren hadn't seen before to keep him occupied--thanks Parents magazine. (On a side note, we were restricted from using some of these toys do to noise--come on a little train that you can barely hear going "peep, peep" over the sound of the engines? Me thinks first class is a little snooty personally!) I had a bag full of snacks that came in handy for Warren (if we could keep Daddy from eating all the fruit snacks). I also let Warren have the pacifier most of the day---I feel a little guilty about this, but I am so paranoid about my ears, that I couldn't stand the thought of Warren's giving him the same pain that I have when I fly. I did have a nosy man with his 15 month old tell me that I shouldn't have let Warren have the pacifier after 11 months, and that I should just take it away from him. I did find this a bit rude, but it did pull at my "I am a bad parent" guilt strings a little.
We rode in first class on the way out here since that was the only seats available using our Dividend Miles---I am happy to report, that aside for having the extra room with an infant in lap, I will still choose coach until the day I can just throw money away. I mean don't get me wrong, it was nice to have a cushy seat with a lot more room...and to get the free food and snacks...but they do weird things up there. For example, on the first flight almost as soon as the airplane took off, the stewardess passed out warm washcloths; I was very unsure what to do with these--were they for the hands or face? I tried to discreetly look and see what other people were doing with them, but Warren was moving a little too much...so I just sort of wiped it on my face and hands and tried to hide myself while doing it so there would be no judgement. (John had a better tactic and he just didn't use it.)
Well, we arrived safely into Canada---and John made friends with the Canadian border control as they discussed "24". He now loves Canadians!
I will update more as I can---I am not sure what my internet accessibility will be over the next couple of weeks.

Play table in the AVL airport.




Fruit bowl from our first class breakfast.


Snow-capped mountains as we descended into Vancouver.

Day 3---finally some sunshine!

Even though I may complain---I truly love having an early morning boy...we go walk on the beach at sunrise, play in the sand and water, and just enjoy the quieter time on the beach. I have always felt very peaceful when I am walking beside the ocean; I don't put a lot of stock into the zodiac stuff, but maybe it is my aquarius roots showing through (which would explain why Warren likes it so much as we are both Aquari). Dad and I used to spend some early mornings at the beach together, and being here reminds me of him a lot. But, I am finally getting to the point that I don't hurt when I miss him, it just makes me feel comforted to be doing something with Warren that we used to do together.
















Again, I am playing with the Picasa editing tool---and I just love what it did to this picture of Warren playing in the sand. My only complaint is that sometimes when I order prints of these edited pictures, they don't come out quite right.

































Warren has really taken to this swimming thing---he will even stop mid-swim to clap for himself (and only half of the time does he dip under water).














































Normal kids come to the beach and you can't keep them out of the pool and/or ocean---for my son, his favorite part is the water spicket that you rinse off in. I am just glad he is enjoying himself.

Day Two at the beach

Even though it has been kind of dreary thus far while we have been at the beach, we are making the most of it, and it has actually made for pretty good playing on the beach weather~

Aunt Brittany really wanted to be able to bury Warren in the sand---he tolerated it fairly well overall.

Swimming with Grandma is pretty fun as well.

I am not really sure what is going on here, but neither one of them has there eyes open, and I am concerned.

Day One at the Beach

Playing with the new glasses we found on the beach. I feel kind of bad because I am sure some kid (and probably mom) somewhere is upset that they lost these, but I have been wanting Warren to have a pair. Seeing as it was 6am, there was no one around---I did ask the sea turtle volunteers that were cleaning the beach, and they said if I left them, they would just get thrown away.



































I feel pretty good about my parenting that I did teach him a civic lesson, and I made him pick up the firework trash that was left laying on the ground--he was so proud.





































































These pictures started out a little bright because I left my ISO set too high, but I loved them, so I darkened them as much as I could and left them.










He has always loved water, but the last time we tried this swim floaty, it bobbed up and hit him in the chin and he didn't like it....this time it was love once he got in the water. He kept pushing away from me and trying to swim (kicking his legs and "swimming" with his arms). I was one proud mom!





















































This is one of our friends that is always down here---Warren just swam on over to him.