July 29, 2012
Warren,
As we get closer and closer to your little brother joining
our family, I can’t help but think back on everything you have brought into
your Daddy’s and my life. I remember the
last few weeks before you were born looking forward to holding you, nursing you
the first time, and finally being a “mama”—little did I know, there was so much
more to being your mama than just those things.
A lot of people told me that I would instantly feel love for you when
they placed you in my arms, and I did love you then, but it just continued to
grow and grow—even though I can’t imagine loving you anymore than I do today (I
am just not sure it is possible), I do think it will continue to grow as you do.
The first time I called the pediatrician’s office to make an
appointment for you, I was sort of shocked when they asked me for my child’s
name—I actually had a child, it really made it feel real that I was responsible
for you. Then when you had to get your
first shots, I knew you needed them to keep you healthy, but I also hated to
see the pain in your face as you cried afterwards. (Don’t worry, I cuddled you the rest of the
day…and you were a trooper even at 2 months old, you took a nice long nap and
seemed to get over it.)
Even from the very beginning, you have been a very active little
boy; you wake up early, get directly involved in some physical activity (like
trains, puzzles, and/or chasing the dogs up and down the hallways), and you
keep going until I have to force you to nap.
But even before you could walk and get around on your own, you still
woke up early (like 4 or 5am) ready to play and interact. (This was not always so pleasant for your
parents, but you sure seemed to love the early morning hours—the nice part was
the nap we would take together around 9 or 10am, too bad you have outgrown that
morning nap.)
I am looking forward to seeing you grow as a boy and as a
big brother—having a little brother will change a lot of things in your life,
but you are so social and outgoing in nature, I think you are going to
blossom. One of my favorite roles in
life is that of being a big sister, so I hope you love your role of big brother
as much as I have.
I can’t wait to finish watching
you grow into a man, and I anticipate so much for you—I hope you never lose
your energy (okay, you might be able to stand to lose a smidgen of your current
energy if you aren’t going to be exhausted by age 10). You are such a smart boy—at age 2 you have
such a command of your words (mostly English words, but you do have a few signs
that you know, and you even know a few words in Spanish, thanks to Diego-The
Animal Rescuer). Your hand-eye
coordination amazes me, just earlier this week I sat watching you hammer nails
on your tool bench with a lot more accuracy than I can do at 27!
I love you so much my sweet boy, and I found this poem the
other day (I don’t know who wrote it, but it says so beautifully everything I
feel about being a mother).
Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body...
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body...
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.
